Great dilemma.

  My career and education path ain't smooth. I have been wanting to blog a post about this.

  Warning: A lengthy post ahead.

  

  I guess there are many people like me who experience the same as I do. Sometimes I wish I was born clever, getting good results in schools so that I don't have to end up not getting what I wanted. Yet, a part of me does not want to be clever, here comes the irony. 

  I am just an average student with average academic, either I do badly or I do well. Primary school to me was about having fun, I can't remember me studying but only completing my homework and wait for next day of school. Of course, those who know me, I'm definitely those nerdy obedient girl in class who is quiet and does her work. I always envy people who can score really well in exams, maybe they're hardworking enough or they're lucky or they're just born smart. So, as an average student, I got an average PSLE score of 210/300. It may seem to many others that it's high but when I define smart, its those ranging 250 and above, top students I would say. I wanted to go Riverside Secondary School because the score is highest  in Woodlands and who doesn't want to go to a school like that? At that time, my perception was this. But in the end, I couldn't get into RSS, I got into my sister's school, Evergreen Secondary School. 

  

  I still remember how I was looking forward to first day of school, entering like a boss and studying wasn't part in my mind. I was wrong but then I didn't neglect my studies, because I wanted to do well. Getting 5th in my sec 1 first semester was a great boost for me to continue working harder to sustain the results. However, all these didn't last. My academic starts to drop as I move on to each level. Maybe I play too hard. Yes, I made a choice in getting to the first class taking Biology instead of POA during my sec 3 because I thought it'd be more interesting. In the end, I struggled real badly for the 2 years in the first class and gotten class position counting from back, how disappointing. First class means most of the elite students are here, you will get stress by being the bottom and they're top, we were far apart. 

  But that didn't kill my determination to score well for my O levels. I wanted to get into JC at the beginning so I am to score really well for my L1R5. I paid for additional maths tuition because my maths has always been my weakest subject since primary school. Though I was the weakest in the tuition group, I felt inferior alot of times but I didn't give up. I was glad that my effort paid off during O levels that I got a B3 for it when I actually got C6, D7 or E8 throughout my semesters. Afraid of not able to cope well with stress, I chose polytechnic instead of JC. 

  At this point of time, I know that I have to choose wisely for my course because it will definitely affect my future from here. I went through all the polytechnics courses and I wanted Earlychildhood education the minute I saw this course, from NgeeAnn poly. Great, my English didn't met the requirement of B4 and I had no interest in other courses. My dad gave me advice that tourism sector is a growing sector and they have various departments from receptions, to housekeeping etc and he told me to choose the leisure one, which is casino, cruise, spa related etc. I thought it was okay though I wanted Earlychildhood so badly. However, Tourism and Resort Management was my first two choices from NgeeAnn and Singapore poly but I got my 3rd choice, which is Leisure and Resort Management from Temasek poly. Spent 3 years of my life at TP and I must say I didn't made the wrong choice, I made so many fun and amazing friends. But, I didn't realised it's so hard to find a job that I'm up to it despite a tourism course. 

  As I graduated, I start looking for jobs. I admit I am picky because I didn't want to spend 1-2 years on a job that I don't look forward to everyday. I filtered so many out and in the end, I got some receptionists and some are front office at hotels in the central but I was adviced that it ain't really good. Ok, so I dropped the thought and look into education then. 

  But before everything, I went for interview at Singapore Airlines. Last time, I had dream of becoming air stewardess honestly, but dropped that thought again because I couldn't really bear to leave my family alone in Singapore. But my family supported me during my job search so I went for SIA interview, clover luck was with me I guess, I managed to pass through all the interviews at my first try until the medical check up. Chances being booted out is 1% at the medical check up, yet I belong to that group. My hopes and dreams were banished. At the beginning I really told myself to just try and no high hopes, but as I get through each round, I couldn't help but having high hopes that I'll fly in the sky soon. Worst is, I have no idea what went wrong with my medical check up and I just got a rejection letter. A dying despo of me says to try again, so I did, along with my friend Fran and I still got booted out. 3rd time, I still got booted out at the first round. My hope really died. I just told myself to find a local job and forget it. 

 I tried looking for other jobs but just feel that I'm not up to anything. Maybe you might think it's still the beginning, maybe I'm just more pessimistic than others. I feel useless whenever I cannot decide what I really want. Awaiting for my sister's company to reply me but it seems so slow. Sigh, maybe I shuld look for more alternatives incase they don't hire me? I really wanna get a full time job like asap and get occupied and get the income coming. Who knows? Nobody.

 Throughout all these years, I have wanted to have a good job good future is mainly because of 1 reason, I want my parents to retire early. I'm not trying to act filial here, but this was the reason I get stressed up most of the time. Not just education wise, even job wise. Many would say, it's about our own future and shouldn't be because of someone else. For my case, it's different. 

  So many times I tried to be optimistic but pessimism always wanna kick a leg in, I have limits to how much confidence I can hold. I'm not a confident person because I cannot really take disappointments, I'm fragile when it comes to things that matters to me. Ok, I guess enough of my thoughts, I just hope to get a stable job and just looking forward every weekends to Joel's book out. My happy pill, without him, smile on my face is less. Thank you so much botak boy, I miss you. :') With this, I would like to thank my readers for reading this very lengthy and boring post of mine! :)

  However, I would like to thank all my friends and my family for their love and support, I really really appreciate it. Without you guys, I don't know who am I.

  By the way, please do me a favour by clicking on the Nuffnang ads on your right, just a click will do! Thanks alot! I'm just trying out Nuffnang, not sure how this works!

xoxo.